How to Text a Chinese Girl You’re Dating
by | posted in: Asian Women | 0

Chinese woman sending textYou might already realize that text messages are extremely important when you’re dealing with women, but they’re particularly important when you’re trying to woo a Chinese woman.

Like women in most developed and developing countries, Chinese women are glued to their phones a lot of the time, and one of your best bets for getting her attention once you have her number is to shoot her a text. Alternatively, you can also use one of the several Chinese social media and messaging apps to get acquainted with new women while you’re in China. People in China love to use WeChat in particular, so get as familiar with it as possible.

Now, like with many other cross-cultural issues, there is a learning curve. As with talking in person, texting Chinese women will be different from texting Western women most of the time. Let’s take a look at some tips on how to text your potential Chinese girlfriend and not mess things up:

1) Don’t be too forward

If a Chinese girl is shy and plays hard-to-get, it’s usually not an act—her parents taught her to be suspicious of men’s intentions and to guard herself. This would be especially true if you’re a foreigner. A Western woman might be fine with you just cutting to the chase and getting immediately sexual in your conversation if she was attracted to you, but this would effectively be too overwhelming for a Chinese girl and may very well turn her off.

Even if you only plan on something casual and don’t want to get in a serious relationship, Asian girls tend to be more shy about the subject of sex, so save all of that for when you’re actually in private and in the bedroom. Don’t bring it up explicitly over text, and absolutely do not send pictures of anything under your clothes.

Further, you may be surprised that she will reject you the first time when you ask her out. This is somewhat normal thanks to her upbringing, so you might have to beat around the bush a lot more to get her comfortable before she agrees to meet you somewhere in person. It’s kind of tedious, but it’s part of the game in China. This is also why it helps to target girls who are specifically interested in dating foreigners; it may lower the “walls” just a little bit.

2) Use lots of emojisemojis

It’s kind of hard to convey tone and other factors like intention through text. Even in person, you may find Chinese girls taking a lot of your sarcastic jokes literally, so you may have to tone things down in that department to avoid a misunderstanding.

Another way to signal your intentions and emotions is to use plenty of emojis. You will probably find that she will use them, too; they are a bit more popular with people in Asian than with those in the Western world, so it will take some getting used to, but it makes a lot of sense considering that there are few other ways to convey nuance.

3) Avoid texting in Chinese if you aren’t fluent

Of course, if the girl you are talking to does not speak a lick of English, you’re much better off using your basic Chinese than taking a chance on her ability to decipher what you said, or worse, use translation software. However, if the girl speaks English, but your Chinese is not very good, just go ahead and text in English. The potential for misunderstanding is just too high if you are both not fluent in the language and also new to the culture.

Once a single bad misunderstanding has occurred, you’ve probably lost your chance with the girl, even if she later comes to realize that you meant to say something else; the awkward feelings will more than likely linger between you.

This is also a good time to mention that if you aren’t fluent, get fluent! People like to talk about how “hard” Asian languages are, but the truth is that they’re not hard, they’re just very different from Western languages. If you approach Chinese with an open mind, the way a child does when he’s learning his first language, you’ll have an easier time of it than if you were to bring all your cultural baggage from your own language.

4) Keep things simple and clear

Similar to what’s mentioned above, try to go for clarity when you’re in a situation of differing cultures. If you want to ask her out to tea and feel that she’s ready to say yes, skip the innuendos and tell her in a very literal way. Lots of Westerners have the temptation to be “clever” when they talk to girls, but this does not always translate well. Will this mean that you’ll have to tone down your “game” a little bit? Certainly, but your game will have to be different when dealing with Chinese girls anyway. Try to be more obvious and honest about the things that you say; this is something that most Chinese girls will appreciate.

5) Be discreetChinese woman texting on bench

Especially if what you’re looking for is less serious, don’t walk up to her while she’s with her friends and make obvious advances—you will be shot down. This is kind of the beauty of text in that it allows you to communicate with her discreetly and no one has to know what you’re up to. A lot of Chinese girls are attracted to foreign men, but as with most girls you will meet in any culture, they are afraid of appearing like they are “loose women” in front of their social circle. You can avoid this by just allowing her to keep the relationship secret if she wants.

These are just a few tips on getting started messaging and texting the girl you’re dating or are interested in. Obviously, the only way you can get really good a texting game with Chinese girls is through experience and practice. So download WeChat or another popular messaging app and get to work.

Dating Chinese Women – Tips You Need To Know
by | posted in: Asian Women | 0

Asian Model PosingThere’s almost always going to be some kind of learning curve when you’re first getting into dating women of a different culture—in fact, that exact sense of fast-paced learning and discovery is exactly why it can be so much more stimulating than dating a Western woman at times. That feeling of the “unknown” can make cross-cultural love affairs particularly intense.

On the other hand, of course there is a dark side of sorts to this: With every moment of extreme passion and exploration, there can be moments of frustration. The very things about her that seem like an exciting mystery at one moment can become an annoying enigma the next. And you know what? It’s probably the same from her perspective, too; don’t forget that a woman encountering a man from a strange culture such as yourself is likely going through the same emotional ups and downs as you.

One thing that can minimize the downside when you’re first starting the seduction process, however, is a bit of education. Take a look at these tips for when you’re dating Chinese women and try to internalize them as best you can:

1) First of all, accept that you’re foreign

Own what you are. The last thing you want to do is to try to act like an average Chinese man in order to appeal to her. If she showed interest in you, it’s probably because she’s looking for something “different” and exotic, not because she wants to experience the same old traditional dating ritual that she’s used to from men of her own culture. In fact, she may be looking for a little bit of adventure with you, so why not play along with whatever fantasy she has in her mind? If she’s looking to date you because you’re specifically foreign, half the work has already been done for you; don’t break the allure of mystery that you can build by trying to “act Chinese.”

2) Don’t be afraid to challenge her

Again, she’s probably looking for something different if she’s making moon-eyes at you, a Westerner. Most attractive women, especially those who live in an environment as conservative as the Chinese culture, deal with suiters who attempt to go through the usual, expected notions of buying her dinner and trying to win her through favors.

Throw all of that out the window. Be different. Be unexpected. Keep things casual and stay more or less aloof at first. Allow her to show interest in you first before you become too invested. Introduce her to new customs, foods, and other enriching aspects of your own culture. Constantly throw new and challenging things at her; this is likely not only what she’s subconsciously looking for from a foreigner, but it’s also what will make her attracted to a man, regardless of his cultural background.

3) Don’t look too unkempt

Of course, the Western standards and the Chinese standards for “unkempt” are likely to be different, so educate yourself on what the local preference may be. For one, though, Chinese girls seem to prefer clean-shaved men, but if you’re going for that “exotic” angle, it might not hurt to keep a small, well-groomed goatee to make your Western-ness stand out a little more. However, you may find that you won’t have much luck with the long, voluminous hobo beards that have been popular in the West of late.

By the way, Westerners have a general reputation in a lot of Asian countries as being more “gross” than Asian people. It may be an unfair categorization, but just to be on the safe side, be sure to give yourself a good wash and rub some deodorant on your pits.

Finally, wear some decent clothes. In the West—particularly in the US—people are used to wearing extremely casual, sometimes pajama-esque clothes all the time, even when they go out. By all means, don’t wear a tuxedo or anything when you meet her, but a decent shirt and pants wouldn’t hurt.

4) Do not tie yourself to one woman too soon

Like the women of most cultures, as much as they may deny it, Chinese women like to see a man who is desired by other women. Of course, you don’t have to rub it in her face that you’re seeing other girls, but, on the other hand, making it clear that you’re 100% invested in her too soon will make her feel pressured (not to mention less attracted to you), so seek a happy medium and let the question of your commitment hang a little. Don’t deny that you’re seeing other women, but don’t go out of your way to confirm it, either. It’s much more powerful if she learns about it through the grapevine anyway.

5) Don’t be a lying, cheating sleaze

On the other hand, there is no need to be dishonest about your romantic activities, and in fact behaving like a sociopath will not win you any points with Chinese girls the way some people claim it does with Western girls.

Keep your word and don’t be flaky. Avoid playing immature mind games. Be honest and upfront about what kind of relationship you’re looking for, and don’t pretend that you desire some kind of commitment if you’re only looking for a casual romance.

6) Listen carefully to the messages in her actions

Generally-speaking, Chinese women (and Chinese people) are not as expressive with their emotions as Western people are. Many of them have never even told their own mothers “I love you.” Because of this tendency to be more guarded and slower to reveal her true emotions, you will have to read between the lines here to see the signs of her affection.

Instead of looking for the evidence of her feelings in her words, look at the way she acts. Does she do lots of little favors for you? Does she cook for you? Does she buy you trinkets on occasion? These could all be signs of a special fondness that she feels for you. Pay close attention.

7) Don’t insult her family

This may be obvious, but when you’re dealing with a different culture, you might not realize certain critical local customs. If things are getting serious and you’re about to meet any members of her family, familiarize yourself with cultural habits and introduce yourself as politely as possible.

Ultimately, though there are a few things to learn that are particular to the Chinese culture, dating a Chinese woman is, at its core, not much different than dating any other woman. Most women, regardless of culture, are looking for an exciting, challenging man who can offer them diverse experiences in an honest way. Simply be that man, and the rest follows.

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