There’s almost always going to be some kind of learning curve when you’re first getting into dating women of a different culture—in fact, that exact sense of fast-paced learning and discovery is exactly why it can be so much more stimulating than dating a Western woman at times. That feeling of the “unknown” can make cross-cultural love affairs particularly intense.
On the other hand, of course there is a dark side of sorts to this: With every moment of extreme passion and exploration, there can be moments of frustration. The very things about her that seem like an exciting mystery at one moment can become an annoying enigma the next. And you know what? It’s probably the same from her perspective, too; don’t forget that a woman encountering a man from a strange culture such as yourself is likely going through the same emotional ups and downs as you.
One thing that can minimize the downside when you’re first starting the seduction process, however, is a bit of education. Take a look at these tips for when you’re dating Chinese women and try to internalize them as best you can:
1) First of all, accept that you’re foreign
Own what you are. The last thing you want to do is to try to act like an average Chinese man in order to appeal to her. If she showed interest in you, it’s probably because she’s looking for something “different” and exotic, not because she wants to experience the same old traditional dating ritual that she’s used to from men of her own culture. In fact, she may be looking for a little bit of adventure with you, so why not play along with whatever fantasy she has in her mind? If she’s looking to date you because you’re specifically foreign, half the work has already been done for you; don’t break the allure of mystery that you can build by trying to “act Chinese.”
2) Don’t be afraid to challenge her
Again, she’s probably looking for something different if she’s making moon-eyes at you, a Westerner. Most attractive women, especially those who live in an environment as conservative as the Chinese culture, deal with suiters who attempt to go through the usual, expected notions of buying her dinner and trying to win her through favors.
Throw all of that out the window. Be different. Be unexpected. Keep things casual and stay more or less aloof at first. Allow her to show interest in you first before you become too invested. Introduce her to new customs, foods, and other enriching aspects of your own culture. Constantly throw new and challenging things at her; this is likely not only what she’s subconsciously looking for from a foreigner, but it’s also what will make her attracted to a man, regardless of his cultural background.
3) Don’t look too unkempt
Of course, the Western standards and the Chinese standards for “unkempt” are likely to be different, so educate yourself on what the local preference may be. For one, though, Chinese girls seem to prefer clean-shaved men, but if you’re going for that “exotic” angle, it might not hurt to keep a small, well-groomed goatee to make your Western-ness stand out a little more. However, you may find that you won’t have much luck with the long, voluminous hobo beards that have been popular in the West of late.
By the way, Westerners have a general reputation in a lot of Asian countries as being more “gross” than Asian people. It may be an unfair categorization, but just to be on the safe side, be sure to give yourself a good wash and rub some deodorant on your pits.
Finally, wear some decent clothes. In the West—particularly in the US—people are used to wearing extremely casual, sometimes pajama-esque clothes all the time, even when they go out. By all means, don’t wear a tuxedo or anything when you meet her, but a decent shirt and pants wouldn’t hurt.
4) Do not tie yourself to one woman too soon
Like the women of most cultures, as much as they may deny it, Chinese women like to see a man who is desired by other women. Of course, you don’t have to rub it in her face that you’re seeing other girls, but, on the other hand, making it clear that you’re 100% invested in her too soon will make her feel pressured (not to mention less attracted to you), so seek a happy medium and let the question of your commitment hang a little. Don’t deny that you’re seeing other women, but don’t go out of your way to confirm it, either. It’s much more powerful if she learns about it through the grapevine anyway.
5) Don’t be a lying, cheating sleaze
On the other hand, there is no need to be dishonest about your romantic activities, and in fact behaving like a sociopath will not win you any points with Chinese girls the way some people claim it does with Western girls.
Keep your word and don’t be flaky. Avoid playing immature mind games. Be honest and upfront about what kind of relationship you’re looking for, and don’t pretend that you desire some kind of commitment if you’re only looking for a casual romance.
6) Listen carefully to the messages in her actions
Generally-speaking, Chinese women (and Chinese people) are not as expressive with their emotions as Western people are. Many of them have never even told their own mothers “I love you.” Because of this tendency to be more guarded and slower to reveal her true emotions, you will have to read between the lines here to see the signs of her affection.
Instead of looking for the evidence of her feelings in her words, look at the way she acts. Does she do lots of little favors for you? Does she cook for you? Does she buy you trinkets on occasion? These could all be signs of a special fondness that she feels for you. Pay close attention.
7) Don’t insult her family
This may be obvious, but when you’re dealing with a different culture, you might not realize certain critical local customs. If things are getting serious and you’re about to meet any members of her family, familiarize yourself with cultural habits and introduce yourself as politely as possible.
Ultimately, though there are a few things to learn that are particular to the Chinese culture, dating a Chinese woman is, at its core, not much different than dating any other woman. Most women, regardless of culture, are looking for an exciting, challenging man who can offer them diverse experiences in an honest way. Simply be that man, and the rest follows.